@mdob11: Hipsters is what happens when you tell every child they're special.
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@RandiLawson: I like to think of myself not so much as a terrible driver, but an awesome stunt woman.
@stonedcoldlazy: Considering the yr Jesus is said to have been born, I question those who give him the wheel or make him their copilot.
@Arr: The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them
@KeetPotato: [inventing humans] god: "they should have complete control of their tongue" angel: "um ok" god: "let me finish.. except when using scissors"