@mdob11: Hipsters is what happens when you tell every child they're special.
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@Darlainky: If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend's page.
@ComedicBust: [walking into a mattress store] Me: [smiling too hard] Manager: You can't jump on the beds. Me: [no longer smiling]
@drhappyknuckles: First they came for the fat, whiny losers, and I said nothing, because they got me immediately. I was like the first person they got.