@LeonEarlgrey: Hipsters probly don't eat carrots since they lose interest in things when there not underground anymore.
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@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed* "THE CHILDREN" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*
@Brianhopecomedy: Took me 5 minutes to pick up the soap I dropped in the shower so I hope I never commit a felony.
@sammyrhodes: Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby's house elf friends free.
@krisv_723: *Watching tv* Him: wtf are you eating? Me: Cotton candy. *stuffing more in my mouth* The attic is full of it but I think it's stale.