@TheTimmyToes: *hires 2 personal trainers and makes one of them train the other one*
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@CrissySpeaks79: My 7 year old son told me "You're the most beautiful mommy ever!" I asked him what he did and where's he hiding it.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: (God creating coyotes) God: Make them look like dogs. Angel: Exactly like dogs? God: But with a meth problem.
@1KelliBelle: Me: promise you won't show anyone? Him: promise *sends pics H: that's pics of fruit snacks M: you said you wanted pics of my goods
@Book_Krazy: I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now