@Jake_Vig: *hires a group of teenage girls to giggle every time you walk by*
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@timdonakowski: If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in their recipe.
@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@DanMentos: confession: when my barber spins me around and hands me a mirror to check the back I just fake it. Who is even that coordinated?
@Just__J0: Teaching 19 to cook, clean, and do laundry so if he ever gets married his wife won't divorce him and make him my responsibility again.