@MdUNH: *hires skywriter*
$1 MILLION DOLLARS OR I SKYWRITE GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS!
@causticbob: My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early.
It was a picture of her at the airport.
@BlindChow: Columbus: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Columbus: *just yanks me out of my car and drives off in it*
@Amusitr0n: *Cowboy stares at the horizon*
"A storm's comin"
[In the distance, Darude 'Sandstorm' can be heard faintly]
*Cowboy cracks a glowstick*
@t_cuppp: Sit-ups are no fun, sharpie abs are definitely the way to go if you want permanent results.
@owlcity: If I walk you home and kiss you goodnight, a simple thank you will suffice. None of this calling the cops crap.