@MdUNH: *hires skywriter*
$1 MILLION DOLLARS OR I SKYWRITE GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS!
@JWilsonGA: Wife: I'm making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want?
Me: *blank stare*
Me: A napkin?
@iGreenMonk: "Just be yourself" is great advice to maybe 12% of people.
@peteec: BlackBerry's are great phones to have if you're time traveling to 2005 and don't want people to know you're from the future.
@itweetmaya: That awkward moment when the garbage goes out more than you.
@GonzoVice: There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things.