@vulcan_kelly: My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?

@donni: Might get a Gatorade logo tattoo to symbolize my contempt for thirst.

@paulablu22: Hey guy in your car behind me, Your honking isn't going to make me type any faster.

@Darlainky: There's no 5 second rule at my house. The dog is much quicker than that.

@rablivingstone: In some societies it's considered rude to put post-it notes on people's heads in the doctor's surgery with your guess what's wrong with them