@WilliamAder: To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."

@WhaJoTalkinBout: friend: can you help me plan the baby shower? me: sure. lather, rinse, repeat.

@Mr_Kapowski: If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber

@kelkulus: I don't understand why people get embarrassed buying condoms. It's much more awkward trying to return them. "She didn't like me."

@Chumpstring: Just ordered me some pizza!