@myonlymizztake: His last words were, "I'm just going to tell her to calm down, and remind her that she still hasn't made dinner."
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@pleatedjeans: Any wedding can be a fairy tale wedding if you serve porridge and release three angry bears into the reception hall
@robfee: Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang
@jazmasta: Buddy, If you get in a fight with me there'll only be 2 "hits"; You hitting me and my screams of pain hitting 100 decibels.