@corysnearowski: In WWII soldiers left burlesque magazines around so if an enemy found it he'd yell "HOt DOG" then howl like a wolf & give away his position

@AimeeHelene1: Tonight's special: Hummus-fed pigeon leg, rolled in coffee grinds, served on a bed of fresh lawn clippings $105 - Fancy restaurants

@iinkedZombie: The horn quit working in my truck, so I'm hanging out of the window revving this chainsaw at pedestrians.

@DumbestPosts: Stupid is an understatement for this one

@MmeSurly: If you see someone crying, ask if it's because of their haircut.