@markydoodoo: Hit the showers. Smack a sink. Verbally assault a bathtub. Make everyone at Home Depot uncomfortable.
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@jwoodham: "How dare you accuse us of cheating?" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on.
@causticbob: Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom! #HappyBirthdayBob
@iwearaonesie: If you use your alarm to look for your car in a parking lot someone will eventually help you find it by yelling "It's over here you idiot!"