@bea_ker: Hitlers gonna hitl
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@SimplyRetard: "*RING**RING* in the middle Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."
@Bownuggets: Hate it when I can't find my slippers so I have to stand upon the wings of my pet pterodactyl Benedict as he fetches me the morning paper
@TheMichaelRock: The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister.
@Brampersandon_:  ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: uh ok *takes him to president Donald Trump* ALIEN: lol good one but seriously where's ur real leader