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@HuajatollaChic: Hits rock bottom.
*adds Geologist to resume
@beefman138: I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver.
@Jenny4ashley: [tries to blow a kiss]
Kiss: I have a boyfriend
@awkwardphilippe: [home depot]
employee[yelling]: YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE
me: [yelling over the sound of revving chainsaw]: WHAT
@burgerdrome: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss... but you won't miss.
You've trained your whole life for this.
Take the shot.
Kill the moon.
@WheelTod: Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief