@CoopSoSarc: Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
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@naughtygeisha3: Men say they love Asian women but every time I fry up a new boyfriend's cat or dog it's like all the appreciation goes out the window.
@shadygrenade: "Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she's not herself." *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*
@WheelTod: Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News.
@trentistweeting: [me trying to do magic] Is this your card? "No" Is THIS your card? "Not even close" What about THIS? "Trent thats literally a piece of ham"