@KevinFarzad: Hmm ok Trump may have said another horrible thing but let’s not forget Hillary once texted a friend “Omw!” while she was still in the shower
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@evanrhorne: I quit my job today!! The money from that Nigerian king arrives tomorrow, I'm so excited.
@Thee1_4U: I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: He’s starting to stir! Wife: Shhhh. Me: OH MY GOD… Wife: Be quiet. Me: HE’S GOT A KNIFE! Wife: I hate watching cooking shows with you.
@tigersgoroooar: Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.