@DurtMcHurtt: Hobos are like cats, they'll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food.
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@jergarl: [At urinal maker store] Urinal maker: Let's make some of them curved so the pee splashes on their legs LOL. Other urinal maker: K. LOL
@JesKeepSwimming: I was going to spend the next 6 years studying medicine to become a doctor. Then I realized I could just like Facebook photos to save lives.
@valentinebaby82: Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well