@anbrll00: Hockey fights are cool but imagine the make up sex afterwards in the locker room.
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@Momtoteens: When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup.
@dildointherough: Dating tip: Photoshop yourself into some of her selfies. Women love guys who are good with computers.
@Mike_Bianchi: Sometimes I run alongside trains, tearfully waving, just so people will think I have a girlfriend.