@gwatts77: Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.
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@LifeStricken: How do I explain to this 5yo why it is of paramount importance to use the word kitty instead of pussy in his Mother's day card?
@graceful_asfuck: Her: you take nice selfies Me: so I'm vain Her: no you're photogenic Me: oh so I'm ugly in real life Her: just say thanks Me: oh so I'm rude
@TheWriteStuff2u: You said that if I went to visit at the hospital I should be sure to take flowers. So, when the nurse wasn't looking, I did.
@PaulyPeligroso: My mind's telling me "No!" But my body, my body's telling me "There's that chicken salad in the fridge."