@_wangwe: Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MartaEffing: Between bank balances, my weight and age, math makes me more emotional than I ever thought possible.
@msmollybee25: I hate when Netflix asks if I'm still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Had to be a woman that coined the phrase "severance package." No guy is putting those two words so close to each other.
@KenJennings: Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru.