@andreeahluscu: HOLD YOUR HORSES. Love your horses. Remind your horses everyday how much you love them. Feed your horses.
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@duplicitron: Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.
@dave_cactus: *sitting on a seesaw for 20 minutes* …OK, there's ONE downfall to being the last human alive.
@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?