@andreeahluscu: HOLD YOUR HORSES. Love your horses. Remind your horses everyday how much you love them. Feed your horses.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [stares at baby for almost an hour after I've finished feeding him] Wife: he can't talk, he's not going to thank you
@XnotafunnyladyX: Apparently I have a few "tells" when I'm angry. But I light things on fire when I'm happy too so don't pretend you know me.
@realHamOnWry: I tried S/M once, and ended up with a dominatrix who was unusually cruel. Instead of using a whip she would make me do fractions in my head.
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes