@OBiiieeee: HOLD YOUR HORSES. TELL YOUR HORSES YOU LOVE THEM. DONT BE TOO STRICT WITH YOUR HORSES OR THEY'LL DATE OLDER HORSES GET TATTOOS & HAVE PONIES
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@rockymomax: [me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautée pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO
@shutupmikeginn: "Dont put all your eggs in one basket," is a lie perpetuated by Big Basket to sell more baskets
@1followernodad: Fun prank: ONLY explain gay marriage to your kids and then watch other people try to explain their weird straight marriages.
@JoParkerBear: The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you, and you try to understand them in order to best tailor a revenge plot that suits them.