@shutupmikeginn: [holding baby] haha oh whoa i thought he'd be slimey but he's really dry
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@Nodine13: Tell her you already got her gift, & ask her to try & guess. Then go buy something she guessed. Shopping made easy.
@psybermonkey: Wife: we argue a lot about money Therapist: well that's not uncommon among coupl- Me: Andrew Jackson was a genocidal murderer and should be taken off the twenty dollar bill. I am not budging on this, Diane.
@InternetHippo: ME: Why can’t everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can’t you ME: Don’t change the subject
@primawesome: I treat going to a therapist like going to a mechanic. "So, It's been making some odd sounds and I'm sure it's on the verge of a breakdown."