@locustbones: kissing is all fun and games until a boy inhales your skeleton through your mouth & uses it to build a house for some other girl

@louisvirtel: "Suicide Squad" looks like a bunch of people Avril Lavigne hangs out with.

@Muath_tu: Apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office.

@gabemakesmusic: I once saw a road sign that said, "Slow Down, Small Children at Play" but then it occurred to me that I'm not afraid of small children

@Browtweaten: *At the magic show* Magician: Now I need a volunteer Gary the Murderer: *raises a hand* Magician: OH MY GOD WHOSE HAND IS THAT