@Mardigroan: Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn't improved since fourth grade.
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@myles_morrison: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I said "Hell no. I don't want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home."
@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would've been if he'd eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
@liv_thatsme: CAREER DAY me: I’m telling you kid, there’s a job for everyone. What are you good at? kid: My parents say I smell weird and I make them uncomfortable in their own house. me: Have you considered cable installation?