@primawesome: Hollywood hasn't remade Spiderman in a couple weeks. I hope they're okay.
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@Jesus_M_Christ: That moment when you mom says she was a virgin, but then 3 random dudes show up on your birthday with gifts.
@GrumpyComments: Tip for drowning your enemies: Paint pictures of people yawning on the bottom of their swimming pool.
@lovemydogduck: I drank so much wine last night when i walked across the dance floor to get another glass, i won the dance competition.
@TheRobCee: [Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] "Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."