@ShesARealGenius: Hollywood led me to believe I would have to do way more heat/AC duct crawling than I've had to do.
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@UncleDuke1969: Billy: Hi! What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. B: Hey, what's THAT? J: An iPhone 4. Mom: Who's your new friend, Billy? B: Johnny. He's poor.
@jergarl: Wife:Did you take ambien last night? Me: *recalls riding a unicorn that's on fire* No, why? W:The dog's wearing a saddle and she's orange.
@leyawn: me at five am: should i sleep for two hours or stay up me at now am: Did my coworker just say "email" or "bee jail". what did the bee do