@ShesARealGenius: Hollywood led me to believe I would have to do way more heat/AC duct crawling than I've had to do.
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@TheAlexNevil: *first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?
@robotmouthfarts: Kill someone with an icecream cone and eat it afterward. They can't convict with no murder weapon. It's the perfect crime. Plus, ice cream.
@doktorj: Adult me is pretty pissed that you can't learn to dance perfectly in the span of an 80's montage.
@TheRealRHB: Feeding some weed to the turkey so it will already be baked when we kill it... Will save sooo much time !