@Spaziotwat: Holmes: "I say, old bean, is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"
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@shadygrenade: "Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?" *throws pineapple against grocery store wall* "Ah nuts that was a good one."
@UpDocInc: I have twin brothers named Juan and Amal. I only carry a picture of one of them because if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long has this been bothering you? Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.
@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?