@Kalarlis: holy crap a guy actually gave me his number and i didn't know what to do so i panicked and sent him a picture of a dead bird?
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@Lhlodder: Lord help the person who honks at a mom while she’s strapping her kids in their car seats. It was already gonna take an hour to get us ready, but now it might just take 2.
@HumorParasite: Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
@Adyaces: The first time I stayed at my girlfriends' house, her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. Shame, he's very attractive.
@BritXMeh: My spouse reminds me of He-Man. He also sits around in his pants all day, needs a haircut and has a weird relationship with his sister.