@SortaBad: "holy crap....um guys?!" - the first caterpillar to wake up out of a cocoon
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@MariyaAlexander: Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love
@notalogin: *Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?
@MondayPajamas: My cleaning lady always leaves me a list of supplies she needs to clean the house. Not sure what she needs 20 boxes of cold medicine though
@liv_thatsme: Rice cakes have only 50 calories. But packing peanuts have 0 calories & they taste exactly the same.