@jake_lach: Holy shit. I just realized this sales kid is treating me this way because he thinks I'm old
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait....
@farleftcoast: A jogger just yelled at me for accidentally blowing pot smoke in his face. So I yelled at him for making me feel fat.
@hazelmotes1: Alien: take me to your leader. Me: They all suck. How about I take you to this place I know where you can get amazing mini donuts?