@chris_isloi: Holy shit, remember rhymes with September. If no one thought about putting that in a song, I'm gonna be rich.
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@KeetPotato: reporter: "what inspired your theory of gravity" isaac newton: "i fell off the toil-" agent: [leans into mic] "an apple hit him on the head"
@Home_Halfway: [Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm "latte" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer
@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.