@lecalabara: Home Alone 6: Homeland Security - Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!
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@DiscoFruit: [3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING.
@bourgeoisalien: I feel like maybe if God didn't spend all his time helping people win at sports and awards shows he'd have time to fix some shit
@doublewenis: Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.