@TheTweetOfGod: Home is where the Wi-Fi is.
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@yendys1: Oh you like Oreos? Name five of their albums. And I'm talking their obscure shit like watermelon, none of this main stream birthday cake shi
@Manda_like_wine: My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, "I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."
@shawnspree: I would fake a heart attack but this coworker would just try to finish his story in the ambulance ride to the hospital.
@mattZillaaaa: Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship