@valerie_tosi: Homeless dude asked me for $10. Thought it was greedy but realized that we were standing outside Whole Foods. Totally legitimate request.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sageboggs: pope: love all *everyone cheers* *he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd* pope: fifteen-love
@daemonic3: "Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?" ME: No, you're still grounded "No fair!" ME: Yes, that's what I said
@jctwritesstuff: [Date] Me: You're a scientist? Him: Yeah M: You like chemistry? H: M: Wanna get in my genes? H: M: *slow winks* H: Are you having a stroke?
@MartaEffing: Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered.