@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
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@LeBearGirdle: Lawyer: so tell me, why was my client's mouth bleeding? Dentist: he doesn't floss Me: You hit me! D: [puts lips on mic] bc you don't floss
@JesseFernandez: Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys "at law" so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something.
@LurkAtHomeMom: [10 PM] If I go to bed now, I'll get a full 8 hours of sleep [3AM] Siri what is a grape nut