@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
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@BassoonJokes: The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes.
@UnicornSyrup: Whenever people say "anything is possible", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree.
@Mr_Kapowski: Real Estate Agent: Do you want to look at the model homes? Me: I'm flattered you think I'm a model but I'll just look at the regular homes
@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.