@YahooAnswersTXT: Homosexuals please help me. I think my hamsters are gay. How do I let them know it's okay?
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@imogenjayy: Takes approximately 7.5 seconds for #Adele to make you mourn a relationship that you weren't even in.
@Storminika: A kid next to me at Starbucks says I smell like his dad. I'm like 'Well, your Dad's an alcoholic. Scram!'
@IamEveryDayPpl: Him: "Are you single?" Me: *flashes back to that time Wil Wheaton RTd me and left me at the top of his TL all night* "It's complicated..."
@MableGertrude: I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.