@HuffPostComedy: Honest wine recommendations are exactly what you need
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@CastAwayKristen: "Nine Foods You Should Never Eat Again" Also known as the contents of my refrigerator.
@Death_Buddy: *gets summoned to the spider court* YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE CRUSHING OF 4 SPIDERS HOW DO YOU PLEAD? *places glass over spider judge*
@michaelianblack: The Old Testament is the historical record of the first time we Jews controlled the media.
@anagramps: *hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*