@SadPeruna: Honestly Officer, I do have a few ideas as to why I'd get pulled over, but I'm kind of afraid to tell you. Let's both say it on 1-2-3, ok?
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@imogenjayy: Takes approximately 7.5 seconds for #Adele to make you mourn a relationship that you weren't even in.
@TheHyyyype: [creation of insects] LIGHTNING BUG: I will illuminate the night BEE: I will pollinate flowers FLY: I will eat shit and die
@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
@PimpleEye: Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage.