@bridger_w: Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
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@ZWindsor_: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"
@GrantTanaka: 7 is asleep, 8 is on his iPad, and 12 is all like "hey dad, why don't you remember our names"
@GreenishDuck: Sorry it took me 10 months to text you back. I'm a snake now and I typed this with my head.