@bridger_w: Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
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@mattwhitlockPM: This girl tweeted "You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies." ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles.
@atanya1111: "Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store.
@elle91: My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.