@Mr_Kapowski: Honestly Officer, the pharmacy ran out of those orange pill bottles so they just gave it to me in this plastic baggie.
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@MichaelTrying: Dear Evolution, It’s a conference call, not a bear attack. How about making me super eloquent instead of the heart rate and adrenaline?
@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: Church is the worst book club ever. We've been talking about the same book for 2,000 years and most of us still haven't even read it
@primawesome: This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up.