@lewisheywood: Honestly thought someone was just super excited about the drinks machine
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@Karate_Horse: [robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*
@internetluke: [last supper] Jesus (to Judas): so your facebook status said you were anxious? Anything u wanted to say Judas (sweating): no not really
@TheMichaelRock: No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears.