@therepoguy: "Honey, can you bring me a
roll of toilet paper?"
Toilet paper- "I have a boyfriend"
@defdanielle: there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting
@Woody_B_1978: It's called courting because you will need lawyers later.
@Rollinintheseat: I took a "Which Friends character are you?" quiz and I got The Central Perk couch.
@_correctomundo: Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.
@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.