@therepoguy: "Honey, can you bring me a
roll of toilet paper?"
Toilet paper- "I have a boyfriend"
@Cheeseboy22: If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I'd secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years.
@infamousone96: Boss: "You're not suppose to be drinking on the job!"
Me: "You're not suppose to cheat on your wife."
Boss: "Keep up the good work sir."
@Genevieve0404: "Pop star, Justin Bieber, was charged with DUI, driving with an expired license and resisting arrest."
Britney Spears whispers,
@Mr_Kapowski: I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says "That's it. I'm done protecting the eye. I'm going in to destroy it now"
@Muath_tu: I knock some sense into people with a hammer.