@therepoguy: "Honey, can you bring me a
roll of toilet paper?"
Toilet paper- "I have a boyfriend"
@NYC_Blonde: I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.
@MindyFurano: Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking.
@cervixsmash: The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO
@SodomyClown: If someone says "I will do anything for you" lean in really close and say "There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."
@ScottLinnen: Counted five pregnant women at this Noah matinee. Praying their water doesn't break.