@therepoguy: "Honey, can you bring me a
roll of toilet paper?"
Toilet paper- "I have a boyfriend"
@junkyardigan: Women are from Venus, men are wrong.
@_ElvishPresley_: BREAKING: First satellite photo of the "ultra-cool dwarf star"
@omgthatspunny: What did Dr. Dre say when 50 Cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
@VerifiedDrunk: If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing.
@Kali_Mura: Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.