@weinerdog4life: Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn't a ghost
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@stephenjmolloy: <enter password> ikilledaman <password must contain a number> *7 hours later* ikilled2men
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@hell_homer: deep in the forest theres a metal box that controls most forest settings. toggle birds, set default leaf size, select season, squirrel ratio
@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.