@Thynebear: Honey I Shrunk the Kids : A Beginner's Guide to Steroid Use
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@rocket_roy: [Lizard Enterprises HQ] Lizard Boss: Um excuse me, do you work here? Snake balancing on 4 toothpicks (nervously): Uh yessir why do you ask?
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
@LaziestCanine: [sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette