@Thynebear: Honey I Shrunk the Kids : A Beginner's Guide to Steroid Use
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@_Kim_Jongun: I hired a PR team. They said the public would like me more if I stopped executing people. I executed the PR team.
@BMCarbaugh: At my funeral, I want the organist to start playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" really slowly, until everyone is staring at the coffin in dread
@MoneypennyNaked: Me: Look! I took the giant box that the t.v. came in & made it into a really cool cat house! Mom: So you're still not dating anyone, I see.