@70Ceeks: honey it's not what you think- we were planning your surprise funeral
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@timdonakowski: Why are gifts in airports so expensive? God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
@_Shizzle: They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
@sageboggs: ME: why am I always anxious? maybe watching TV will help- NEWS: IF THE HURRICANE DOESN'T KILL YOU, CLOWNS WILL
@juliussharpe: I don't get why everyone talks so fast in old movies. What was the hurry? There was nothing to do back then.