@jess_stratton: Honey, your skirt is so short that your STD is showing.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang
@KimDotcom: "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they're not always accurate." - Albert Einstein
@MUMSIEesq: Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
@HomeProbably: My girlfriend said I never do anything to help so I hid her phone. I'll prove her wrong when I find it.