@jess_stratton: Honey, your skirt is so short that your STD is showing.
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@NikiWithIssues: I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool.
@WilliamAder: If your kid eats the chocolate bunny's feet first, "so it can't get away," that's your future serial killer right there.
@reeni730: Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
@novicefather: Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not "like Dan Aykroyd."