@jess_stratton: Honey, your skirt is so short that your STD is showing.
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@AdmiralAkbrown: I get so fustrated when people say "supposably" or "irregardless" I feel like I'm literally drownding
@cepheusjackson: SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street.
@iwearaonesie: complaining about your wife's stories will result in having to sit through her story about the time you complained about her stories