@AComicTragedy: Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you'd like to meet Him.
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@CherBear162: Where's my cell? "Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white?
@LoriLuvsShoes: It's really cute how my 16 slams her bedroom door, in the house that I pay for, every time she gets pissed off. So...I took away the door
@bigmacher: Me: "Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.
@junejuly12: Instead of getting annoyed, that stranger should have thanked me for tweezing his unruly ear hair.