@heymonroe: Hope I'm never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number.
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@SortaSarcastic: Pick up a book, any book. Open to the middle, and read the first paragraph. Make sense? Welcome to Twitter.
@graceful_asfuck: Her: you take nice selfies Me: so I'm vain Her: no you're photogenic Me: oh so I'm ugly in real life Her: just say thanks Me: oh so I'm rude
@Alex_N_Chains: I think it's fair to question whether or not Barack Obama is an American. I mean, look at him. He's awfully thin...