@heymonroe: Hope I'm never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number.
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@ibid78: "Ok last interview question. Biggest weakness?" "People say I'm too hospitable." "I see. So should I stop sitting on your lap?" "Your call."
@MandiAtRandom: A car almost ran into me and I screamed "WOAHHHHHH THERE BUCKAROO" I could have died and those would have been my last words
@WeissBrandon: I get it short people, I get it. Oooops sorry typo, I'll get it short people, I'll get it.
@ObscureGent: Home Alone teaches us that a child can't pack a suitcase but can create a fully functional flame thrower to harm a small New Jersey man.