@JohnLyonTweets: Hope you enjoy my new song, "Part of This Song's Title Is in Parentheses (For No Reason)."
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@Cheeseboy22: When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" People always clap when she wakes up.
@Xoolun: My wife tells me she wants me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I'm thinking about getting her a treadmill.
@punmagnate: Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that
@alrightjam: Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no