@hippieswordfish: *hops off a horse* alright buddy, your turn
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@huntigula: Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: "There there, cry it out" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? "Sure"
@shutupmikeginn: I like watching documentaries about murderers because i know i'm doing better than every person in the movie.
@lemmywinkler: The "oops, wrong hole" excuse doesn't work when she catches you with her best friend.
@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?