@ShortSleeveSuit: Horrifying if literal: armchairs
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@AllieA: On my first day of college my dad's only advice was "don't date any of your teachers!" Yeah right dad, everyone knows teachers are poor.
@bighandsmassuer: As I slowly remove her panties I think to myself God these don't fit me very well
@mortimermaiden: Doctor: I'm afraid we've lost him. Mother: What? But he was just getting a few stitches! Doctor: It's just a figure of speech, ma'am, he's right here in the morgue.