@Kirangandhi: HORROR STORY- U are the only one alive in a post apocalyptic world. U tweet and it gets retweeted!
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@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
@absolutemeh: A new study finds marijuana users are not more likely to have car accidents. Mostly because they're usually too high to find their cars.
@breadzeppellin: My wife and I had a real Fairytale wedding. A wolf killed her grandma during the ceremony and then we ate stolen porridge from some bears.