@Cheeseboy22: Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: *yells something Wife: I can't hear you Me: *whispers something under my breath Wife: I heard that!!
@ceejoyner: No human will ever understand humiliation like a dog who happens to run into a wolf while wearing a sweater.
@mattgallo123: The only thing more shocking than finding water on planet Mars would be finding me in Planet Fitness.